so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
