I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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