There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
