so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
