He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
