Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
