I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
