Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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