this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
