he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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