I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
