community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
