so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
