My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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