She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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