so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
