Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have demons in me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
