Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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