Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
