I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
