Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
