so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
