I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
