i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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