How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
