I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
