Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
