shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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