grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
