Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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