4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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