worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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