OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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