Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was like eating out sand paper
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
