Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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