Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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