She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
