theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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