The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
