ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
