I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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