I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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