Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
