So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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