Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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