The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
