what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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