At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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