ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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