PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
