Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
