i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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