My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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