I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
