my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
