Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.