Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah