Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
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Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life