Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
