I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
