I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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